This is just a story of a broken soul [entries|friends|calendar] *...I Only Breathe Your Name* &info &&friends &&&calendar &&&&icons [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Monday April 9th, 2007 ] [ mood | happy ] I am happy nonetheless. Things are no different for me really. Yesterday was Easter, I worked 7-2, Came home to family in the kitchen talking and laughing, Talked to Chris "Casper", which always makes my day that much better.=) Saw my brother, Nick, it was nice to see him in the same house as me again with the father we share, It was nice just sitting on my bed with him and talking. I Miss Those Days. I Miss Nick! Never really home now. Lacrosse occupies my nights, Matt occupies my days, And work occupies my weekends. It's hectic for me, but I'm sticking it out. Haven't seen much of my mom lately, But thats ok with me, I guess. I'll admit, it does bug me at times, but there is nothing I can do about it. She has her life and I have mine, I can be nothing, but a supporting and loving and caring daughter to her. I've gained some new friends, They're pretty amazing. We got to Chunky's every Friday night And then go behind the old bowling alley to do the Cha-Cha Slide, Then we go back to my boyfriend's house and just hang out And taking funny pictures. I love them all <3 Counting down the days, till Florida takes me away again. I love Florida. I wish I could live there! I want the beach, the warm weather, the fun amusement parks, the tan, and the warm salt water that stings my eyes. I love everything about Florida. In study, I need to go. cmnt

[Saturday January 20th, 2007 ] [ mood | good ] Wow, it's been sooo long sine I last updated this thing. Like 3 months?? A lot of things have changed since then. In October, Dennis and I broke up for good. That was a really tough thing for me since I spent 10 months of my life with him everyday, 24/7. After that, my world got better. I gained a lot of friends. But anyways... Last month, Nick moved out of my dad's house. I miss him a ton. I get sad sometimes when I think about it too much. I cried on the phone to him once and I think it was weird for him. It's mostly because I have no one in the house to talk to. I have no relationship with Austin and Allison, the only person I really talk to in the house in my dad, my relationship with him has really grown and that's about the only positive thing about it. But anyways... Finals just ended this week. Kyle and I are dating again. I'm soooo happy!! He's amazing to me and I love him. =) My mom moved back into Merrimack(my brother moved in with her). In less than a month, I'll be 18 (Feb. 18), this birthday is gonna be sooo awesome, I think. Going to Roadhouse, with the Amherst crew(Ray, Joe, Ryan, etc...), I'm so excited! Feb. 22 will be 4 years since Amanda passed away, that's just about the only down fall for February. I'm seeing Justin Timberlake in Boston at the Fleetcenter on February 6. I'M SOOOO EXCITED!!! Hehe. Ok, I'm done for now. I'll to keep up with this thing. I Love You Kyle. You're my everything. 1 cmnt

[Tuesday October 10th, 2006 ] [ mood | happy ] Hey! It's been quite sometime now that I've updated. I've been busy with work, Dennis, family time, ect... This weekend amazing! It consisted of... My family Topsfield Fair Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The Beginning Sitting on a rock in the middle of the Souhegan River Taking pictures Locking my mom's cat outside her apartment door(she's in Las Vegas) Hiking in the woods Late night phonecalls Kissing Hugs Cuddling Cleaning Driving to places Work Things are going great!! I've got a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally! A Family that I'm starting to become close to again. My best friend finally found the perfect boyfriend that treats her good. I haven't been in a bad mood for awhile. School is going good. I haven't missed any homework assignments, just my tests/quizzes scores are low. Dennis and I are doing awesome!! Last Friday was our 9 month anniversary. It made him and I both very happy to know that we've been together this long and have gotten through some of the toughest things ever. I'm very happy with him right now. We're doing great together and the happiest we have ever been. The happiness just keeps growing! I love you Dennis!! -Meg- cmnt

[Friday September 15th, 2006 ] [ mood | crushed ] September 11, 2006. One year without my grandpa. He's very missed. Every ounce of me wants to see him again and go back to the old, but good times with him. growing up into the young lady I am today.. misses him more than ever. I remember the days, where him and I would lay in his bed together while everyone was downstairs and we'd just watch the patriots andd red sox play. him and I both always flipped out whenever something went wrong or when we scored. him and I would take the dog out back together and just stand there and talk about things. he was always open-minded with me and what I had to say. i really have to say, he is the number one person who NEVER judged me for actions, never called me a screw up or anything, he loved me for who i was, not for only the good things i accomplished and still am accomplishing. Grandpa always told me and tori that we made him very proud of us! I'm still going to make you proud of me no matter what. i remember christmas' with you and your laughter whenever a funny story was told. The way we made fun of nanny late at night, she always laughed us for it. growing up, I'd sit in your chair with you and fall asleep in your arms or I'd even read the newspaper with you when you were holding it up for the both of us. the way you wore your reading glasses on the tip of your nose always made me giggle. you always had your TV guide next to you on the arm rest of your special chair. Your candy draw was the best ever being a little girl, sneaking upstairs into your room, hoping you wouldn't catch me made me always feel like a risk-taker because you always freaked out whenever you caught me and my brother, haha. you're so missed!!! I love you so much!! Everytime I hear a funny story about you, i just smile and laugh. you had the most amazing personality to ever walk this earth, no matter what you were going through. Even when you were diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, you still had a bright, cheery smile on your face. tonight, everyone cried as most of us said a prayer as we stood in a circle holding hands. I didn't know what to say.. I was so speechless and knew that once I started, I'd break down into tears. As soon as I heard auntie and dad talk and they'd start crying, I knew I couldn't do it. We spread your ashes around a beautiful tree where you once teed off from. It was a funny story to hear from dad. I hope you're all healed and healthy now. you never deserved the pain and suffering that you went through everyday. You have a beautiful soul, grandpa. I read something that Nick wrote about you and my eyes started getting all teary. I miss you soo much!!!! The family name will forever be carried on. I love you, grandpa.  RIP. 9-11-05<3 I know you'll always be my side leading me through the tough times and continuing to teach me. I love you. -Love Always, Meghan- 1 cmnt

[Friday August 11th, 2006 ] [ mood | chipper ] I recently stood up for my brother to his ex-girlfriend. She's been trying to bring him down lately and saying all this shit, so finally I read one of her entries and she reposted one my brother's entries and at the end of it, it said "Fuck you. Try fixing yourself." I flipped out when I read that because I knew that it was about him without questioning. It pissed me off and so I flipped out on her. Want me to describe her to you? She's this girl who lives in Bedford, acts as if she's richer than anyone else with her big house and long driveway, she uses her boobs lure guys in to her, but yet.. she has 2 front teeth that so spaced out from eachother, that you could probably park an 18 wheeler in.. and that just ruins her whole image to be "different" and "cool". But anyways.. I find it funny, that she is ALWAYS wasting her life and time, to write about someone who doesn't even give two shits about her and thinks it's hilarious that she's doing this and trying to be all big tough and try to bring him down. Now let me tell you about my older brother, Nick. Nick is the type of kid, who will speak his mind, no matter what. He doesn't care if it hurts your feelings or not. People need that type of person in their life. He does have faults, but he knows what they are and he attempts to fix them. He may not have the best speech in the whole world, but whatever comes out of his mouth is amazing. Nick doesn't give a rats ass what people think of him and his style and even his car. He loves his family, even when he hits a rough spot with them. Nick is the most amazing friend, son, (step)brother, boyfriend, and just person in general. Now tell me if he deserves any of this shit from his stupid ex-girlfriend, Amy. She's dumb and and doesn't realize what she's missing out on because she's too wrapped up in herself. Love you, Nicky C.!! haha. It's a Brotherly-Sisterly Thing. & Bond. 5 cmnt

[Monday July 31st, 2006 ] [ mood | happy ] Work was okay, i guess. Everyone kept telling me to go home because I looked so pale, but I kept refusing because it would of done me no good. I went on break, called my boy, then Wytni came in and I talked to her about what happened. Told her the whole story and she helped me a lot. Then I went downstairs and Phil knew that something was obviously wrong with me, he asked me and I just kept walking. Phil came after me, asked what was wrong and I just started to cry. He left eventually, I went onto the floor to stalk, a few mins later.. here comes Phil to save the day for me once again, he hugged me and I started crying, I told him what happened and he just hugged me. Without him and Wytni at Shaws, I would of gone crazy and cried my eyes out. They're my only best friends at Shaws.. no one else, I have full trust in, especially with something, so heartbreaking for me, like that was. Thank you SO Much Phil and Wyt!! Love you guys! I was with Dennis all day after work. It was soo nice to be held by him. We just relaxed and watched movie... which took A LOT longer than what it needed to, but it was so worth it. I basically got to spend more time just laying with him and hearing his heart beat through his chest, and hearing him inhale and exhale. Laying on his chest, is the most comforting and relaxing things to do for me. It's also my favorite. Everytime I lay on his chest, my eyes slowly shut and then I'm woken up his kiss on my head or forehead. I was sad to leave him, but I knew I had to inorder to talk to him again either on the phone or online. I've learned a lot through him, like the value of love, not to take things for granted so much, how to love someone correctly, and how to forgive and forget people in certain situations. He helped me learn to accept myself and be comfortable with myself. No one else ever has.. they've all told me to lose weight and what-not. I love him more than anything and I'm gona keep saying that. -Meghan- ps)I Love Julie Zinsmeister and her amazingly huge hair. xoxox But... I love Dennis more! =P. 2 cmnt

[Sunday July 30th, 2006 ] [ mood | grateful ] Last night and today sucked completely then it all got better around 2. I got no sleep. I was woken up by my phone at 2:15, singing "I'm hanging on and nothing's gonna stop me, anyway..." by Cheyenne Kimball. I didn't answer the first time, then I realized it was going off again right away, so I picked to hear Dennis' voice on the other line. He had found out some terrible news and it put him in the worst position ever for him and I. Him and I both got no sleep. I eventually went over there at 6:50 to talk to him. I cried and he held me and what-not. I left and went to Sarah's house because I knew it was the only house I could really go to for help so early in the morning. I would fall asleep in her bed and wake up sniffling and crying all over again. I couldn't deal with it and she could hear me, so she eventually woke up and talked to me and helped me calm down. We got up. Watched Benchwarmers. I love that movie! My favorite movie so far. It's soooo funny. Then we decided to put on this glitter gel stuff that helps you get tanner, so we layed out in the sun for a little bit, then it got too hot, so we went inside. Watched Peter Pan, which we both fell asleep too. I kept texting Dennis, even though I knew he was asleep and wouldn't respond. I was woken up by the wonderful and feeling of my cell phone vibrating in my cleavage, lol. Dennis had finally texted me back!! I was SOOO excited! I left around 1:30, got home and around 2, Dennis came over. I was so excited, relieved, but yet nervous on seeing him. I cried and he just held me. Off track.. when I was at Sarah's got sick because I was so nervous and my stomach was completely empty. So I've lost 3pds and that's no good for me. But anyways... Dennis and I figured this out for the most part. I DON'T want to lose him ever. He's the most important thing to me right, so if I seem like I'm isolating myself from everyone, it's because I'm fixing my life and trying to get my head back on straight. Right now, Dennis is my number one priority! I couldn't have done anything without him and I still can't. I love him SOO Much! Right now.. my baby, is asleep in my bed. Underneath the blankets. He's so adorable! I love watching him when he sleeps.. he looks so peaceful and cute. Dennis.. I LOVE YOU!! Even though we're in the same room right now, I still miss you like crazy. You're my everything. My whole world. I love you more than anything. I'm never getting rid of you in any way or form. I can't live without you and I'll find no other guy that could EVER compare to you. You're the greatest guy ever. I love you soo much!! -Love, Dennis' Duckie!- 1/6/06 FOEVER & ALWAYS cmnt

[Saturday July 29th, 2006 ] [ mood | sad ] Tonight sitting in my room alone, listening to Nick Lachey, finally realizing how hard my life has been without a mom there. I guess, it's hurtful knowing that my mom hasn't been around for 3 1/2 years. I've holding in this for awhile now and it's now coming out. It feels like people don't understand what I'm going through or how I feel, but they really do. Everyone has their best friend around them.. while I don't(Friend-wise not boyfriend/girlfriend wise). My best friend is all the way in Virginia paying the consequences for his mistakes and it sucks when people tell you to get over him and realize that he's never gona smarten up.. well, I know him better than anyone else does and I'm never gona stop believing in him. Dennis and I are doing great! He's amazing and is always there for me. He knows when I'm down through all my fake smiles. It's good, but yet sometimes shameful. I love him more than ever and no one could ever change that! cmnt

[Thursday July 20th, 2006 ] [ mood | happy ] Well... my schedule for Junior year looks.. okay..? 1-Learning Center 2-Spanish-Cote 3-Creative Writing-Halverson 4-US History-Sousa 5-Study? 6-Lunch 7-Geometry-Pelton 8-English-Johnson I wonder how this year is gona turn out.. probably like all the other ones, where I end up sitting in the corner of the room waiting for people to approach me because I won't make a sound so I won't disturb anyone with their friends. It should be interesting to see what happens. I can't believe that school starts up in less than 2 months. Nick and I are switching rooms!! We're both wicked excited. He's get his privacy away from everyone.. especially away from Austin,haha. On a good note about Austin.. he's gone for 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!! *happy dance*. On Sunday, I was supposed to work 6:15-2. Well.. I showed up at 6:40 and left at 11 because I was rushed to the hospital by Corissa to get stitches in my finger. I cut my finger so bad that I could see the muscle. My manager laughed at me when I told him and he said to put bandaids over it.. so I did and it went through 3 of them and also the gauze that Corissa put over my finger after. I went to the store manager and told him what happened, Corissa took me to the ER. I was there for 3 1/2hrs. I got workers' comp for it.. meaning that they paid for the whole thing. My mom and grammy picked me up since my dad wouldn't get me unless I couldn't find a ride home. So I just called my mom and rushed over. I was SO happy she was next to me throughout the whole thing. I love my mommy. I have to go back to the hospital next Wednesday to get them taken out. I'm having Dennis come with me. Things are good.. crazy, but good. I got my highest paycheck EVER! Over $200. I'm excited. Warped Tour with Nick and Dennis soon. I'm driving this year. =). Work is okay. I still hate Jack, but even more this time! DIE DIE! Dennis and I = AMAZING!!!! I love him. It'll be 7 months soon. Hehe. I couldn't ask for better. I'm out.. going to the bank then getting ready for work. Love you, baby! You're amazing. -Meg- 4 cmnt

[Monday July 17th, 2006 ] [ mood | uncomfortable ] Well.. It's been busy lately. Dennis was gone for a week, so I spent most of my time in Hudson hanging out with friends. I was there everyday and had a blast! Worked 5 days a week.. that killed me. Yesterday, I worked and had to get rushed to the hospital by Corrisa to get stitches. I cut myself with a knife while cutting cantuloupe. The knife spilled and caught my finger. I got 2 stitches and was at the hospital for 3 1/2hrs. It sucked! Things have been good lately! I'm uber happy with the way things are going. Nick and I are switching rooms now. I'm SOOO excited! Haha. Today I'm going to the beach in Maine with my aunt, Austin, Tori, Anthony, and my nana. Then I'll be with Dennis after. He is TRULY amazing to me! I love him a lot. Wednesday-Dennis and I going to Six Flags together... alone too. Even better! Hehe. I'm excited. I gotta and get ready. It was a quick update. -Meg- cmnt

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